What Men Want In a Woman
In this article you will learn what men want in a woman and why…
… women’s magazines are wrong about what men seek and want in a woman, and how to use this in your favor.
What men find really attractive features in women – if you do not get this, you do not understand why these often give the breakthrough.
What you can do to appear smarter to a man.
Why every man hates drama (Hint: he cannot do anything about it.)
Things I hear about just about every day…
About what’s not going well in a person’s relationship. Or from a man about what men want in a woman. Or what a woman thinks a man sees in her. The funny thing is that what women think a man finds attractive, is often not the most important at all. Women often think men find it very important as to how they look. Of course you are partly right. All men want an attractive woman. And men are biologically programmed to look for a woman who looks her best. But there are still a lot of other needs that men have. Those needs happen to weigh much heavier than just appearance; especially when he is in a relationship with you.
If you ask the average man what he finds attractive, he will undoubtedly begin with the outward features that he most likely wants to see in a woman. Let him describe his dream woman and then ask him: “Now imagine this woman cannot hold any proper conversation and always throws out your beer before you can drink it. Would you still like to be in a relationship with her?”
Being beautiful on the inside is very important to men. Men do not talk about it often and in all fairness, women hardly ever ask men about their take on this. Dating coaches however do, and often has to get rid of many misunderstandings. You cannot build a palace before you have demolished the ugly apartment building that is still standing. Most women, by the time they get in touch with dating coaches, have been brainwashed for years. By advertising. Television. And above all: women’s magazines.
Men get blamed for many things, some which can be justified, other times they are quite innocent which often can be blamed on ignorance. Let’s face it, men sometimes do really stupid things. When it comes to attractive features that men seek in women, most misunderstandings arise because women make assumptions. With women’s magazines right there at the front.
It’s only logical that this is where it all starts. Their main source of income is advertising and their ideal market especially are those who suffer from inferiority complexes. When a woman is uncertain about her success with men and you want to sell her something, tell her this will help her get her dream man. Reality is different. For men it is very simple: one session with a woman is sufficient. As long as you look good enough, we’re fine. When women scare men (definitely NOT what men want in a woman) with what they talk about, it can get those men running, and running fast!
To stop women from causing a guy to want to climb the nearest tree just so he can get away from you, I have put together ten things which men find the most important about a woman’s personality. Some of them are recognizable female characteristics, some may come as a surprise.
Most women spend too much time working on their appearance. Women wearing nice clothes, with curves in the right places and not over weight that looks healthy, is often enough for most guys. What you however cannot get away with (in a relationship at least), is a nasty personality. So stop obsessing with small outer details: men do not see them at all. They only look to establish “whether we would do you “, and is the answer “yes” then they start focusing on you personality.
OK, let’s get into what men want in a woman:
1: No man likes a complainer
Men really are not fond of a woman who does nothing but staring in the mirror, picking her eyebrows and complaining that she does not look like the photo-shopped anorexic customer on the cover of the latest Cosmopolitan.
What men love is very simple: confident femininity. It is a very attractive feature which means:
Show a guy you like him, and do not be ashamed of it. Be glad you are a woman, and happy with the features you have been dealt. Feel comfortable in your skin, satisfied with who you are.
A friend of mine told me about a female radio presenter he once met after an interview. This woman was not blessed with good looks. She will probably be the first one to joke that’s why she’s doing radio and not TV. Her looks however did not matter to her.
She was calm and happy. You could see that she felt good about herself. Even though she wasn’t pretty, she was happy. My friend noticed the way she looked at her boyfriend, and recognized him as one of the guys who once stood between those who were all nominated to win “Best-dressed Man” in some competition. He immediately understood why this guy had fallen for her. She may not be most beautiful, but she radiated beauty, a result of her self-esteem, and her satisfaction with who she was is definitely something men want in a woman.
2: Do not use a man for validation
Every man that has ever had a relationship with a woman who did nothing but call him or send messages, knows what I’m talking about. This type of woman overloads him with questions he can do anything about, has countless excuses for contacting him. Starts a fight because she has doubts about whether he likes her enough.
Too many women are very uncertain about their femininity and their personality. They are the opposite of what a man likes, and here is the reason why: “They seek confirmation from 1 man”.
Some women are vulnerable and insecure for some reason. When they then get into a relationship with a nice guy, they can hardly believe this.
Instead of talking openly and honestly, which of course is very difficult, they decide to solve this problem by checking every five minutes if the guy is still there. They constantly want confirmation that they are attractive and popular, especially from their boyfriend. Their desire to be found likeable is so strong that they come across as desperate. Spoiler alert: Men do not find this attractive.
The signal that you broadcast is: “I have not been considered attractive in the past. I do not understand why you do not agree with them. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT “. The pressure of her uncertainty is passed over to him. And every well-liked man fits here.
This is quite painful because a woman who is already uncertain can become a drunk when a man who leaves her. I understand that such uncertainty does not fall out of thin air and is often related to things/situations that have happened before. Fortunately, there is a fairly simple solution. “Use different things in your life for confirmation“.
You need to understand that when you make other people responsible for how well you feel about yourself, you will be very annoying.
On the other hand, every person needs to be confirmed by other people. That is healthy. You want to create an intermediate way to enjoy the positive things that other people think of you, without having to ask.
For fun, dance with friends, and watch how many men are watching you. Then look how many of them, and it’s only a small part, can find the guts to talk to you.
If you have a sport that gives you a lot of satisfaction, try to get better at it. It is good for your self-esteem and you will get rid of some tension.
Spend time with other women who support you. Get confirmation from the friends around you. Friends that support you and not pull you down.
Be grateful for the things you have achieved today and the things you will do tomorrow. Understand that self-confidence is something you need to work at to achieve. By working hard and surrounding yourself with the right people. And not to be ashamed of who you are. Certainly as a modern woman.
When you are not dependent on a man for your confirmation, it relieves the stress you may be under. Instead of checking with a guy continuously, you now give him the opportunity to develop feelings for you at his own pace, feelings that may already be there, he just needs to recognize this himself.
3: Be content with yourself
Above I mentioned the insecure woman who needs constant confirmation. There is also the uncertain woman who is constantly fighting.
These women are wrongly described as “strong, confident and independent” and they want men to be intimidated by them. In reality, men find them wiseguys and do not need to spend time with someone who is continually fighting with them.
It is terribly annoying to deal with these people, whether it is a man or woman. If you cannot stop fighting, a man simply does not find an opportunity to let you know that he likes you.
Suppose you say to a man that you find him attractive, and he makes it ridiculous with an unkind remark. You would not feel comfortable either. The same goes for a man. The fact that he is giving you attention and talking to you is already a lot for him. It requires courage because his social status is related to how women judge him. If you then keep on debating the topic he feels like you’re playing with his ego. To him this means he cannot win except by walking away, which he then does.
If this is something you’re struggling with, try to be happy with who you are. Avoid unnecessary discussions/debating with men. I know it takes courage, but try to enjoy your female side. The side who likes to see a strong man interested in her.
4: Have an opinion
This may sound somewhat contradictory to what I just said, but that is not the case. There is a difference between continuously debating matters that you do not care about, or giving your opinion on things that you consider important.
Men want to know your take on matters. They find it interesting when they are attracted to you. When they go to dinner with you, they want to know what foods you like. If you do not know, and keep on changing your mind until the kitchen is closed, it will annoy them.
A woman without “likes” is totally uninteresting. The reason is simple. If you do not have “likes” and you like us, what does this mean? Does it matter how we got together or did we happen by accident and did you have nothing to do? It requires self-knowledge to know what you like. But this is something a man finds attractive. He wants a woman who makes conscious choices. So he can feel good about himself. This makes it more fun to be near you.
Men who have women without opinion do not really respect them. They go to bed with them, but without much respect for them. Do not be afraid to say what you think. Here are some ways you can turn a guy on and make him never want to leave you…
5: Give us the feeling that we are doing well
When a man has a girlfriend, he wants to make her happy. It’s in his DNA to do that and he feels insecure if he does not succeed. When he does not know what your likes are, it will be very difficult to accomplish that mission.
Conversely, a man finds it beautiful if you reward him when he does “good“. In this regard, men are just dogs who need guidance. “This is nice, and this is not fun“, causes a man to gain confidence in his abilities. That is good for his self-esteem. It gives a boost to his ego.
So the next time your husband/boyfriend gives you a bunch of roses, and you really like it, subtly, or not so subtle, make him feel how much you appreciate it.
6: Have your own life
A woman focused on just her husband is annoying. She has nothing to talk about, she depends on him for everything and she adds little new things to his life.
Much more fun is it if she “does her own thing“. At the end of the day, she has something to tell. What about her girlfriends? What she achieved today. Where she goes tomorrow.
It’s the difference between: “this woman has no life without me” and “this woman is in a hurry, maybe I can be part of it”
7: Let him work for you
No, I do not mean you have to let him do the dishes for you tonight. Or you have to let him suck the whole house before he gets a kiss. Nor do you play “hard to get” and ignore him unless he jumps through some of your hoops like a submissive seal.
What I mean is that you need to make him work at his interest in you. You also know that if you like someone very much, you are willing to do much for that person. But psychological research has shown that it also works the other way around: we attach more value to things we need to work for.
You want to avoid him losing his interest in you since he does not have to work at it. This is what may happen again because men have a hunter instinct.
They are biologically programmed to make the first effort, and then receive the reward in the form of a nice piece of meat. It is easy to get meat at the supermarket, but they do not feel very masculine and attractive. It gives much more satisfaction when they shoot the bear themselves.
Even if he is interested, it’s OK to not reply to his texts immediately. This gives him the signal that you are not available 24/7. This is true of the image he already has of you: he loves you and expects the rest of the world to find you great too. This is reflected by the fact that you did not answer him at any time via WhatsApp.
And this is just a simple example. You want to give him the time to miss you and long for you. This can only happen if he does not see you every minute of the day, and sometimes not for a few days. Ask him to open that jar for you, even if you know you can yourself. It makes him feel good that he can do that for you.
8: Respect his space
Every man wants to feel big and strong. But every man has his demons.
Suppose a man has problems. He is then forced to deal with it in his own way and at his own time. He can only do this when he doesn’t have a girlfriend hanging round his neck all the time.
That does not mean he does not like you or he does not appreciate your help. How he is put together psychologically, prevents him from accepting this help. This is how it is. In the past, men were responsible for the protection of the tribe. Including the women. And if there was a hostile tribe, then it would be better if the women hid themselves as soon as possible while the men got down to business of getting rid of the intruders.
Fortunately, this is not the sort of situation we are likely to be confronted by today, but it still remains in the male nature to shield women from problems. If you can accept that, you are doing not only yourself, but also your husband/boyfriend a big favor as that is the way it is.
The moment you try to help your friend in times of stress, when it seems to you he cannot find the way, he will feel less like a man. He will think, “This woman thinks I cannot take care of her. Who does she think she is? “. Any help offered will be experienced as an insult and will quickly lead to him defending himself. Try breathing a few times and do not offer help again. Should you be lost because he does not read a map well, then so be it. It will take ten minutes longer to get where you’re going but the relationship may be more important than if you arrive ten minutes late.
Having said that: If your man is about to drive down a ravine, it is so definitely appropriate to bring his attention to this. But for everything else, when it comes to non-life-threatening situations, it is appreciated by men if you do not get into their space.
This also applies to other situations. Suppose his cat died and he is very sad. He may then tend to isolate himself. Many women think that this is their fault, that they have done something wrong. “Why can’t he express his emotions?” It is is not about you woman. It’s simple: his cat is dead and he simply needs the time to process this for himself. There you cannot help him. When he’s ready, he will come to you. He has your number.
9: Cause as little drama as possible
Look. Of course, your mood sometimes changes. Did you have a rotten day, or are you a little sad? That makes sense.
For men this is very different. They have two facial expressions. Happy and sad, with one in between, and that’s the expression they have on their face 99% of the time. Very occasionally they are happy or sad, but that’s the way it is. Their “range” of emotions is a lot smaller than women’s. They understand that on a mental level. When you, as a woman, go through a huge range of emotions in a few hours, they just are not capable of emotionally understanding it.
No, I’m not going to say you just have to go through these emotions. That’s also not so much the problem, although it helps if you can send a little text which explains here and there so that a man can understand you better. There is one thing that can get men out of control and is strongly associated with mood swings.
Drama. Drama is when a woman makes a man the suffering object. An employee told me that his girlfriend when she was ill always started to doubt the relationship. Once he realized that it was always around the time of her menses, he decided he could live with it even though he found it very annoying. Men do not think so much of you when you fly off handles from all sides, even though they do not understand that much. But what they find unpleasant is when they experience this through pressure. They certainly do not want that pressure and this certainly is not what men want in a woman
Always try and be as positive as possible. Positivity is never wrong, but the misery of mood swings is that they are hard to keep in check. You cannot change that by being positive. The only thing you can keep in mind is that sometimes it’s better not to kick up drama. Do not blame him. When you understand that it is burdensome for a man, then you also understand why men avoid drama like the plague. Maybe you can help them by taking this into account.
Men like an intelligent woman, but that does not mean you have to be the new Einstein, or be learned. Research indicates that most relationships work best if the participants have approximately equal IQ. In big differences, it becomes more difficult.
Let me illustrate this with the example of someone I know. He was going out with a woman who was beautiful and he had a nice time, but after a while he stopped the relationship. As he himself said, “I see no challenge in a woman who thinks Batman is based on a true story.”
Well, of course, you do not really care how intelligent you are. But you can always do things to get smarter and develop yourself further. Read books. Do not be afraid to give your opinion. Try to learn from others. All these things work to ensure that you get the right connection and chances are you will be all of what men want in a woman.
Grab a FREE preview chapter of “The Woman Men Adore…and Never Want To Leave” to learn more about what men want in a woman