The BIGGEST Mistake People Make In Dating

there’s one thing that Bruins budding relationships unlike anything else and today I’m going to tell some of my stories but the truth is this can happen to men this can happen to women to gay people straight people it can happen to you and that thing is neediness on the extreme side it’s the person who on the first date starts talking about how they want to marry you and what they’re going to name your kids but maybe you’ve experienced the lighter side which is you sent a text to someone you like and then rather than moving on with your day you find yourself checking and checking it wonder why haven’t they gotten back whether it’s big or small medias can ruin relationships and that’s why I want to talk about three of the most common instances that you might be experiencing and how to deal with them because quite frankly this is the one that ruins the relationships that you want the most so the first thing and the one that I have personal experience with is in contacting the person every single day and I will never forget how I learned this this was scarred into me way back in an undergraduate I was in my second year and a friend of mine connected me with a girl that I wound up liking and the story behind it was that this girl actually had a crush on me so when we were put together I was like oh my god this is gonna be great hung out on a Thursday night had a lot of fun and by the end of the night I was smitten so I invited her out Friday said you want to come to this place she was very enthusiastic she said yeah let’s do it and then whatever her plans fell through we didn’t wind up meeting up so I said okay she likes me I’m gonna invite her out again Saturday so Saturday I said hey let’s go out and she said okay let me let you know maybe we can do it and she never got back to me that night so I’m thinking okay she definitely likes me so what I need to do is invite her out on Sunday and I invited her Sunday and she wrote back some sort of middling response and by the time that I went to ask my friend to record innate another meeting with us she said it’s over you blew it is too late she’s no longer interested and I tell you this story so that you realize that you often need to create some space in between seeing someone that you really like now you can put an artificial amount of time in there that is a surface level thing like saying okay I’m gonna wait three days people have different rules but the better truth is to fill your time with things that you like so especially after you were maybe to go on a date and it fell through make sure the next night you do something awesome could it be a date with someone else it could be that’s the way you want to go but maybe it’s just something that you love to do a movie that you like spending time with friends especially when you feel yourself getting very invested in someone that you don’t know that well go back to the things you love and make sure you’re doing them because if not you’re going to go all-in on that person and it will ruin it so the second thing that comes up and I see is begging and pleading now you might be thinking okay I’m clear here I don’t bag on a pleat I’ve never done that but it’s more common than you think when I say begging what I mean is you invite someone out you say hey would you like to go tonight and I say I’m sorry I’ve got this thing that I need to do and rather than saying okay cool we’ll do it later you said come on it’s gonna be so much fun you know you want to like just cancel those plans that’ll be great and I’ve done this absolutely I have friends who have done this but while this seems fun and cheeky the truth is you’re putting them in a position where they are guaranteed basically to like you less this is not cute because what it forces them to do is to say no to you and the way that our brains work is we find ourselves saying no no no to someone even if we like them part of us goes okay why am i saying no to them I must not be interested plus you’re asking them to devalue their own time so that they can invest in you which tells them that’s what you would do for them which is the crux of neediness this is you not valuing your own time or their own time the appropriate answer here as long as it in flake last minute and it’s not a terrible thing where they just like stood you up after you bought some really expensive tickets or something which you shouldn’t do early on anyway but the appropriate thing is just cool have fun and then make plans several days later very simple the third thing here and this is one again that I have very personal experience with is in changing your schedule for the other person now this is one that I that I’ve learned and forgotten over and over again most recently it hadn’t can happen to a relationship that’s been going on I had been seeing a girl for a period of time we really liked one another but for her own reasons she started to put in less effort and pull back and become less available and because I liked her and I’ve been spending time with her my response was okay I’m going to be more available I’ve got this flexibility my time is you I can I can work this time and my friends are pretty flexible too so if she says we’re gonna have to x’ day but then cancels i’ll just make sure that I’m free Wednesday for lunch and that went on and as that happened she became less and less available was more and more work for me to actually get her out so it came to a head on a Sunday night and we had plans to meet at about 10 o’clock she called me like 9:00 and said hey I’m really sorry I’m at my family’s and I’m not going to be able to make it out tonight and I’ve got I’ve got plans Monday I’ve got plans Tuesday I’ve got work Thursday and Friday so maybe we can do something on Wednesday and earlier what I would do is absolutely great Wednesday it is also bummer that you kind of flaked on me last minute but I forgive you and what I did instead here was very simply because my friends had asked me earlier that day if we could go out Wednesday there was no fixed plans but my friends had said it and so I told her I’ve got plans Wednesday night so I can’t and she Paul’s just said wait a second if you can’t Wednesday then I can’t see you this week I said yeah that’s what it sounds like and she started going well why don’t you just cancel your plans I said no I’m not gonna cancel my plans I have plans with my friend and I could hear her starting to get more frustrated nervous and she said okay uh let me call you back hung up the phone 10 minutes later she called me she said I’m gonna wrap up here I’m gonna finish with my family I’m gonna see you tonight like we had planned and so she came over and we hung out as we had planned to do at 10 p.m. and I tell you the story not because this was a huge victory she came over on Sunday and you know not Wednesday but because this was a turning point in the relationship whereas she had pulled away previously when I started to protect my own time and invest in the promises or even just the brief plans that I made with my friend she began to put in more effort she stopped pulling back and she started to match but becoming more flexible rather than me having to be the one that was constantly adjusting for her and quite frankly I think this probably saved the relationship so if you sense that this is you you’re getting down this line where you’re the flexible when you’re always adjusting for the other person and you’re like changing plans so that they can cancel last minute what I really recommend that you do is start becoming meaning at the beginning of your week set up things that you have to do even it’s as simple as on Thursday night you’re going to watch a TV show with your roommate so if you get asked to go out Thursday night you can’t because you have to watch a TV show with your roommate when you protect and respect your own plans people will respect you more this isn’t to say that later in a relationship you cannot have a little bit more flexibility after you’ve got to give and take but early on it’s the kiss of death to start flaking on your friends for someone else and in fact one of the best things you can do here is if it is a more open and inclusive event like it’s a TV show with your friend and it’s not some secret powwow you can say Thursday I’m actually watching TV with my my friend Bruno watch a show but if you’re interested you’re welcome to come hang out with us that shows the person that you are inclusive that you do value your friends and your plants so I hope that those three things helped but beyond this neediness goes more than the surface level which is what we’ve covered we’re neediness comes from is not feeling like you have options like feeling like that person is your best chance at being happy and the real way to combat that which takes effort and time is to create options in your life that doesn’t just mean dating other people though it can you know that’s going to clearly give you some options on a Friday night but it can also mean investing in your fitness regimen which you have to do creating a business more habits spending time with friends the more things that you have in your life that make you happy and the less willing you are to compromise on those actually the more people you will draw towards you because you are valuing yourself and investing in you and that is going to signal to them that they need to do the same so I hope that this is giving you something to reflect on maybe you’ve seen some neediness in yourself that you can begin to root at but I know that this video covers a lot of what happens after the first meeting but a lot of people have asked me well how do I actually get that to occur and there are some simple things some simple three things typically that I will say to a girl that I’m interested in when I want to talk to her and we set up a video that has that if you want click the link here that’s going to take you to another page we can drop your email and then get those three things that typically I use to start conversation many of the times now do these work for women or gay people gay men women I’m honestly not sure I’ve only been myself and my experience is limited so I will say these absolutely work for guys interested women everyone else I’m sorry I don’t have the experience and I’m not certain but regardless of who you are I do hope that you decide to subscribe to the channel it’s not all the time that we do dating advice but I’ve seen this happen to a bunch of friends recently and I wanted to touch on it because neediness is not just going to kill your romantic relationships it can actually ruin friendships so when you got when you started messing yourself things just go better across the table so I hope that you guys decide to subscribe to the channel it’s gonna be much more than dating with a charisma confidence all those kind of things plus celebrity breakdowns and of course any comments go ahead and drop them below I hope that you’ve enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one