How To Get Your Ex Back (Follow These 8 Steps!)

what’s up YouTube I’m Kate spring dating and relationship coach from the west coast of Canada and I’ve got a pretty serious topic to discuss today on that I want to jump right into and that’s how to get your ex girlfriend back a lot of people have contacted me seeking more guidance with this I have a problem they say and I am here to help just before we get started if you have any questions please leave them in the comments below and I’ll be sure to get back to you personally as soon as I can the first thing that is important to understand and acknowledge is why your ex left you there are so many reasons and the first thing you need to do is seriously look at the relationship and take ownership for your actions or lack thereof here’s a quick list of common reasons why couples break up poor communication skills if somebody’s come to complacent and routine taking your partner for granted cheating an inability to grow and evolve together if you want different things or if either of you have stopped trying as you can see there are many reasons why relationships end and your ex might be lying about the reasons as to why she broke up with you but I would say that the main reason why most couples split is due to a loss of emotional attraction and the loss of emotional attraction is not sexual but sexual and emotional attraction are what it distinguishes a romantic relationship from a friendship once you can acknowledge your part in the decline of your relationship then we can work on repairing it basically what I’m saying is don’t play the victim card that gets you nowhere and leaves you as a victim of your own life I can’t emphasize this enough it takes two to tango and if you aren’t dancing then look at your dance steps first women tend to use the line it’s not you it’s me when breaking up this kind of absolves you have any blame for your part in the relationship but something happened or didn’t happen between the two of you that has caused her not to want to be with you anymore so your work begins with you you have to become the best version of yourself and rebuild that attraction that you once had but in a new way your ex doesn’t want to repeat of your relationship she wants something new and different I need to clear something up before we get any further getting your ex back is not an overnight thing it takes time unfortunately it’s not one simple text message you can text your ex and change her mind and you can’t do nothing here this requires work it is the best to understand that going into it if you do commit to getting your ex back and you follow the rules correctly you will reap the benefits I promise you because I’ve seen these steps work in practice and you’ll be happier by the end of this alright step number two once you’ve acknowledged that you played a part in the decline of your relationship it’s time to embark on the month of absence that is where you refrain from contacting your ex for a period of about a month 29 to 31 days if you follow this rule you will avoid the number one mistake that most people make after a breakup which is begging and pleading for their ex to take them back telling her that if she just gives you one more chance you will prove to her that you’re the best boyfriend but I’m sorry to tell you that it’s too late and that your girl has lost her emotional attraction towards you and the rule of absence is the best way to reignite that emotional attraction and to make your ex desire you once again there is nothing more detrimental to getting your ex back than begging her and trying to change her mind in the heat of the break-up doing this can cause irreparable damage and that’s the last thing you that you want so what is this rule of absence that’s a great question and I’m glad you asked it the rule of absence is to be absent from your ex’s life for a period of about a month so roughly 29 to 31 days this step is without a doubt the most important step in getting your ex back that means no phone calls no texting no emailing no sliding into her DMS no matching with her on tinder no liking her Instagram pictures now watching her snapchat stories no commenting on her Facebook pictures or connecting through facebook Messenger no contact means no contact this is the most important step because it lays the foundation for rebuilding your relationship with your ex it’s like you wouldn’t build a house on weak foundation would you a house that would crumble at the first sign of a storm you need to have a strong foundation when you want to revisit life with your ex and that starts with yourself and not contacting her your absence allows your ex to heal from the break-up and calm down about her feelings towards you most importantly though this time allows for your ex to become lonely and miss you contacting your ex for any reason at all is frowned upon you’re probably thinking what if there’s a death in her family that you know devastate her what if it’s her birthday well okay those weren’t a message one message not a long dragged out emotional exchange something like story for your loss I know how much so-and-so meant to you or happy birthday I hope you’re well if you feel that you must engage in this kind of talk do not answer if she responds back encouraging conversation with her will only put you back in your attempt to get her back stay strong and resist the temptation to message her talking to her will they hurt your chances of getting back together step number three how to actually not contact your ex after the breakup I completely understand what it’s like to want to contact someone that you love but you know you should give them some space it makes not talking to them that much more impossible your whole mood changes and the way you see the world gets dimmer you can’t eat or sleep or just enjoy the things that once made you happy when your whole being is shattered from a breakup and you can’t stop thinking about your ex you need to change your thought patterns you can change your thought patterns by evaluating your thoughts are they positive or negative or they about your ex if they’re negative about yourself your situation your ex or even sad you need to change them to something positive the next step is to elevate them think of what makes you happy make future plans ones that don’t include your ex this is the time to look out for number one yourself if you don’t start to check the quality of your thoughts the break-up will consume you and the mixture of emotions that comes with a breakup is futile and your happiness step number four in getting your ex back is to keep good company this is also another good way to stop yourself from contacting your ex hang out with family friends and people that lift you up with positivity not those who bring you down and want to delve into the details of your breakup and give you their unsolicited advice taking advice from close friends and family is all well and good but it’s biased so be with people that take your mind off of her not ones that want to dwell on the break-up with you dwelling on your breakup will only make you overanalyze the situation and make you paranoid or even mad and those are two states of being that you do not want to be in if you want to learn more psychological strategies that will get your ex girlfriend begging you for a second chance head over to Kate spring calm slash ex back instead of looking back at the break-up get serious about the future and getting her back remember that’s Kate spring calm slash ex back alright number five the fifth step in getting your ex back is to meet new people this one is one of the hardest wrap your head around just after a breakup because after a breakup you want the comfort of your friends and family wrapping you and with warmth and a good feelings but the sooner you relinquish your safety blanket and you get out there the better off you will be and the quicker this process is getting in getting your ex back becomes meet new friends are you in school try to make new friends in your classes or do have a job try to make friends with your coworkers the opportunities are endless you just need to take hold of them there’s another part to this that you need to do and that is to start dating I know you might not be ready to hear this right now but you need to start dating to see what else and who else is out there I’m not saying that you should give up trying to get your ex back but in being open to date new women you might meet someone else with whom you really connect so leave that door open this is also a subtle way to incite a little healthy jealousy with your ex you can let her know that you’re moving on from her and this is an important step chances are that you and your ex have mutual friends if your friends catch wind of you dating and doing really well that information will most definitely get back to your ex or if you’re doing new activities and posting them on social media I can guarantee you that she will see these and be like WTF why is he doing so well without me and participating in more activities leads us to our next point step number six which is exercise exercise comes in many forms it comes in hiking dancing running going to the gym yoga boxing whatever there are so many options exercises a helpful component of changing the quality of your thoughts physical exercise improves not only your physical well-being but also more importantly your mental well-being the benefits of exercise are endless it promotes better sleep helps with depression and anxiety if those are things with which you suffer it eases stress and it gives you more energy all the ingredients to a more fulfilled life but most importantly what exercise does is it makes you look and feel sexier and more confident looking good is one of the easiest and best ways to make your ex crazy with desire for you like just looking at you if you bump into your ex unexpectedly don’t you want her to have that whoa he got hot moment when she sees you as opposed to bumping into you with your cheeto dusted track pants on don’t overlook this step you want your ex to have that wow moment when she sees you for the first time since the break-up in getting your ex back during the rule of absence you’ll have more free time now that you aren’t spending it on her exercise is a great way to occupy your time because during that period where you’re not in contact with your ex you want your ex to miss you but you also want to become the best version of yourself if you’ve spent a month exercising and working on sexify yourself when you bump into your ex you will have that WoW moment about you she will see how well you’ve done since the break-up this is what we want take the scenario for example Alexan Tim dated for two years Alexa grew so tired of Tim’s lack of communication skills and has resist inste try any new things with her Alexa only 26 realized that she needed a partner someone who would go out and explore the world with her not someone who sit at home smoke weed and play video games every day till midnight so Alexa broke off the relationship she was sad and she still loved and cared for Tim but she just loved herself more and that couldn’t live in that rut any longer this devastated Tim he continued to play video games til the wee hours of the night and he tried to drink away his sorrows made him drunk text and call Alexa almost four times a week Tim did nothing beneficial to get Alexa back and when Alexa ran into him at a mutual friend’s birthday party Tim’s appearance showed that he had drank himself into a stupor he didn’t spend any time focusing on himself in the two months since the break-up Alexa felt sorry for him not attracted to him doing nothing also prolongs the break-up for Tim he was emotional depressed and exhausted so when Alexan Tim finally bumped into each other Alexa didn’t have that whoa he looks great moment she had that oh shit I got to get out of here before Tim sees me moment this is not conducive to getting your ex girlfriend back have any of you watching this ever had a similar similar experience send me a comment below with your story and/or if you have any questions about how to avoid this kind of scenario leave that in the comments below rule of absence is crucial because it lets you focus on yourself and not on your ex this month of no contact also expedites the healing process it lets you heal faster because you’re not texting your ex every day telling her that you miss her and wasting your day waiting for her to respond only to be met with silence and to see that she’s posting pictures on Instagram and blatantly ignoring you and your messages after a breakup one of the hardest things to do is to give the girl that you love space but that is exactly what she wants and in order for you to get her back you have to respect that space even if she says let’s be friends I had a client Andrew he contacted me right after his ex broke up with him and he told me how she said she wanted to be friends so Andrew said alright if we’re friends let’s hang out right now and this is right in the heat of the break-up as it was happening his ex was stunned he said she got so nervous and awkward that it made her change her mind and say that she didn’t even want to be friends with him anymore and that she just had to leave that’s awkward as hell I felt for Andrew though because breakups hurt and we all know that but giving your ex space to grieve the relationship and calm down is the best thing you can do if you want her to miss you and somewhat romanticize the relationship you once had time and space allows for a lot of good things to happen all right the seventh step in getting your ex back is to reintroduce communication that is only once you have successfully completed a month of absence from your ex’s life and have not contacted her during that time I’m serious hold out don’t do two weeks and think you’re good to go know after two weeks your emotions are still fresh but the full month gives you the most time to work on yourself now that you’re feeling and looking your best it’s time to build a bridge back to your ex this is delicate so don’t rush it you want to be strategic and not come on too strong and to avoid looking desperate this is best done over text or some sort of chat like Facebook that isn’t a phone call you’re not asking your ex to Netflix and chill or inviting over her over to make her dinner quite yet know your message should be something that made you think of her we’re asking her a question that reminds her of a fond memory that you shared for example hey do you remember how to get from downtown to that beach we stopped at a few months back you know that super private one that we got lost on this kind of text is perfect it doesn’t probe into your breakup and it doesn’t have an I miss you kind of sadness to it it’s upbeat makes her think of a fond memory that the two of you shared this also makes her think who’s he taking there this is where you start to like get into her mind again another text you could send is hey did you know that that restaurant with the mechanical bull finally opened I know you’re stoked about it lo this shows that you remember interactions between the two of you you can’t jump into conversations with her saying I want to get back together with you you want to avoid looking as desperate as possible even if you are it’s all about restraint you need to react your ex and you can’t do that by being her puppy-dog avoid being overly nice to her either this makes it seem like you’re trying too hard to be cordial and impress her you want her to work a little bit too right if she replies to you I either of those messages then you’re in the gate but if she doesn’t don’t worry but wait a week and revisit this I’ll repeat if she does not respond to your text do not text her again wait a week before trying again with something different don’t blow up her phone and babar her with messages you will only be having a conversation with yourself this will also make you appear thirsty for her attention and like you’re still not ready to do this if you want to learn even more messages to send your ex to make her come crawling back to you head over to Kate Spring comm slash ex back and watch the free video presentation where you learn in texting templates that will make your ex see you in a new and more attractive way alright once your response it’s all about how you get her face-to-face you do this by asking her for advice on something advice on work hey I’m having a hard time communicating with my boss and I remember you went through a similar thing mine’s helping me out with some of these HR documents coffee my treat or for example are you in school it could be an easy homework question are you redecorating you could ask her to help you pick out a pink color that goes with your flooring or are you making travel plans ask her if you can pick her brain on that trip to Italy she took last summer once you get her out for coffee or lunch this is where you want to start rebuilding attraction you have to start from scratch so building attraction means that you show up being the confident version of yourself after all you just spent the past month becoming the best and sexiest version of yourself and here she will notice that make sure to have strong eye contact going in to touch her when appropriate if you ease into touching her in just the right way she will crave your touch for example if you’re both leaving the coffee shop together you can hold the door open with one hand and then with your other hand you could place it at the small of her back and like lead her out the door or if you’re sitting down next to her you can playfully poke or tickler remember to be playful and keep the mood light you want to tease her make her crave your touch by giving it and taking it away you want to build some sexual tension and you can do that by bringing up positive memories of the two of you in a subtle way and some of those memories should be of a sexual nature that way you slowly plant the seed of being physical again go in being funny and charismatic having a good sense of humor is key in retracting your ex you want to make her feel good about being around you and making her laugh is the best way to do so avoid falling into old patterns too quickly your ex broke up with you and she doesn’t want to repeat of what happened she’s most likely hanging out with you to see if you’ve changed and that the spark is still there thankfully for you that spark can be fabricated through what you do and say so what you say and how you say it becomes very important it’s flirting with her teasing her through touch giving her a little bit and taking it away and you want to create a desire in her to be around you and touched about you for a more in-depth look at how to build attraction pick up my free copy of the attraction handbook at Kate spring comm sasch free this outlines in detail how to build attraction with any girl and this will definitely help you to rebuild your attraction with your ex making it all that much more possible to get her back now that you have your ex feeling good about you again then you can move on to the next step and the next step is to move things to a more intimate setting this is where you could invite her over to see how well that paint job turned out or invite her over to cook dinner as a thank you for helping her with whatever favor you asked of her cook her dinner did you spend your time apart learning how to cook now would be a good time to show off all that you learned by Wow in her mouth and blowing her mind with a delicious meal having an intimate date at your house is the perfect setting to rekindle the physical romance between you two and thankfully since you’ve already had sex before it won’t be too difficult to get her into bed with you again if she wants to be intimate with you go for it but make sure it’s a physical intimacy that she enjoys by physical intimacy I obviously mean sex so to get your ex back you need to break the barrier again and to reignite that passion that you once had physical intimacy means something different from women than it does for men so do your research be prepared this is your second chance so after you’ve made the best of yourself make the best of your chance and remember that the happiest people are those that don’t have the best things they are the ones that make the best of what they have that is themselves and their chances all right you guys that’s all I have for you today but subscribe to my channel to stay up to date with my latest videos and please leave any questions in the comment section below but most importantly don’t forget to head over to Kate Spring comm slash ex back we will learn all the psychological strategies that you need to make your ex come crawling back to you trust me you won’t regret learning this that’s Kate Spring comm slash ex back thanks for watching and I’ll catch you next time